#PostsFromTheNearFuture
Against the advice of literally everyone, Mark Zuckerberg today gave up every single worldly possession he has, making the ultimate sacrifice to express solidarity with the poverty of the world. After resigning from his post as CEO of Facebook, he packed a few hoodies, a pair of jeans and some sandals into a duffel bag, said goodbye to his wife and his young daughter, and set up a tent in the Inner Mission.
Blogging from his phone, Mark relayed his reasons for doing this:
When I gave up 99% of my Facebook stock last year, people accused me of doing it for my own gain, whether financial or as a publicity stunt. I didn’t know how to react to this. I gave away the vast majority of my wealth, investing it into a company to do good, with the goal of advancing all of human civilization. But people didn’t buy it, and I can see why. So this year I’m going a step further. I’m giving up 100% of my wealth and becoming homeless to show people how much I care about making this world a better place. You can find me at 13th and Harrison near the Best Buy.
We stopped by 13th and Harrison to see Mark in his new digs. So far he seems to be settling in well, and making friends with his new neighbors.
The public, however, remains unimpressed.
While we were visiting, we witnessed several cars drive buy, throwing old iPhones, broken Bose headphones, and half empty bottles of water at him. One person even yelled out, “Fix What’s App in Brazil, Douchebag!”
We were able to get in touch with a few Facebook users who had a lot to say about Mark’s new vow of poverty.
“We all know he’s still rich. He’s just trying to make himself look good,” one Facebook user said. “No matter what I do, or how hard I work, I’ll never be that rich,” she continued, before getting back to trolling strangers on Facebook, her favorite pastime for upwards of 10 hours a day.
Other users complained that Zuckerberg is now living off of the government.
“It’s like, last year, he did this charity stunt to get out of paying taxes, and now he’s really not paying taxes. People need to pay taxes. He should be ashamed of himself,” another Facebook user said, on his Facebook page, which he’s used for over 10 years to stay in touch with friends and family all over the world for free.
He continued, “Yeah, Facebook is great, couldn’t live without it. Zuckerberg’s still a jerk though.”
I pressed several users on what Mark could possibly do to appease them — what, if anything, would make them see that he is a good person? Most wished Mark would pay them directly somehow, and also in a way that they wouldn’t have to pay taxes on the gift (but Mark still would).
Media outlets have been similarly unkind. Recent headlines include:
From The Washington Post: Zuckerberg’s Latest “Charitable” Move is a Desperate Ploy
From Fortune: Mark Zuckerberg Has Now Given Away Everything, But Don’t Be Fooled
From The New York Times: How Mark Zuckerberg’s Poverty Actually Helps Himself
Needless to say, Mark is once again disheartened by the response.
“I don’t know what I have to do. I mean, I gave up everything. Everything. Doesn’t this mean anything to anyone?”
The public’s response: Still nope.
